Mom, Gran, how did it happen? I mean how did you both end up being wives to Dad? And Gran, how can you be Mom's mom? You are only thirteen years older than Mom is.Is there a good time for a child to ask such a question? Probably not. But this was possibly the most apropos time and they both knew it. The two women looked at each other over that huge harvest table and with eyebrows and pursed lips communicated as only two Filipinas do. To translate, the first eyebrow went up on Akiko. It was a question: Yes? Should we? Jezelle's eyebrows came up firmer and twice: Yes, we should. Then Akiko gently pursed her lips: Will you tell it? Jezelle pursed hers: You tell. Akiko pursed harder: No, you tell please.Jezelle spoke in a way that Cynthia had not heard before. Her Gran, Jezelle, was a woman of very few words. But the tale that was woven that night over macoun apples, aged cheddar cheese, strawberry jam and potato bread was the stuff of old legends and gothic novels. Cynthia learned about. Pushing the boundary between discomfort and pain, if I’m truly honest with myself. With its final grasp, it almost feels conflicted. It wants me. I that it is compelled to destroy me. Maybe it even wants to. What I can feel though is that it wants me for later. We pique its curiosity in the most alluring way. It all but says so. The whispering becomes louder and sharper. It begins to sting as it fills all the empty places in my mind. Now it has me. For a moment, at least. We’ll see if I can break away, Maybe it will just let me go once it takes whatever it wants from me.One week. That’s all it took for me to just accept whole new layers of near unbelievability to my reality as though they were an expected, everyday occurrence. I am its. Just for a moment. I only have to remember to take myself back once I get what I want from it.Whatever is happening right now, feels amazing. I am away from myself. I know that everything is falling apart still. The wind is.
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