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” I tapped on the photo and pointed at my picture. “Ab” ‘Father.’ I used my finger to point back and forth between the picture and me, so he understood that I was the father. Then I tapped on Marilyn’s photo, and back and forth to her, and said, “Um”, ‘Mother.’ After that, I tapped on Charlie’s picture, and said, “Ibn”, ‘Son’. By now the little boy was nodding in understanding. I then said, “Hamid,” and he looked at me. I tapped my chest. “Ab.” Then I pointed at Marilyn and said, “Um.” Finally, I laid my hand on his shoulder. “ Ibn.”Hamid’s eye opened wide at this, and he looked wildly at me and Marilyn. To her he said, “Ibn? Um?”Marilyn was crying again, but she answered, “Yes, Hamid, yes!” and hugged him.He looked at me and asked, “Ibn? Ab?”I nodded and put an arm around his shoulder. “Ibn, ab.” That just about used up my extremely limited Arabic. Now all I needed to do was to teach him English, formally adopt a Syrian refugee in Kurdistan, get him an American passport, and move. I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans ) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3.Here are the scorecard notes from the event:CHILI # 1 - MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILIJudge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO’S AFTERBURNER CHILIJudge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more.
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