She seemed to be in a hurry for no good reason, I thought. "No rush. I only intend to get married once. I want what my parents have ... had. There wasn't any doubt they were happy together, and together for life." Me too. When Dad died, I thought Mom might too. They were so close for so long. She's OK now, but I know it still hurts and I worry there won't be anyone else for her. She has some friends, but so far no one that might replace Dad." So, both of us want the same thing ... what our parents had. I think that has a big influence on who you marry, don't you?"She was nodding in agreement, still perched on one elbow facing me."Any boyfriends?" A few. Nothing serious. I got curious about sex when I was sixteen, but I held off until I went to college. My first experience wasn't a great one, but I did meet a couple of nice guys that I went steady with. I was never going to marry them, but then ... they knew that. I had my own plan for the future. I was going out into the big, wide. I had simply turned to the wrong person for emotional and physical comfort.Bryan seemed to sense that I was overwhelmed with guilt, and I needed comforting again. "Brenda, I know you are feeling bad about what happened, but it was not wrong. I needed you every bit as much as you needed me. I wanted you as much as you wanted me. I needed you to need me the way you did. It was beautiful." I reached over and took his hands in mine. "Bryan, I know that is what you are feeling right now, and I appreciate you wanting to be there for me, but I was wrong." I could feel my tears welling up in my eyes, my voice was starting to quiver as I tried to speak calmly. "Bryan, I am supposed to protect you, not become a sexual predator that uses you for my own emotional crutch." "Brenda, that is not how it was. I initiated it. And it was beautiful to me. And neither of us used the other. We shared something beautiful with someone we love. We expressed our love. And, no matter what, I do not want to.
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