But more than anything, I wanted that baby. It would cause them both so much suffering. I would feed off of the agony and negative energy they would produce. But it wasn’t so. I wanted something I couldn’t have. So, finally having enough of spying, I turned away and left. Late that night, I stood looking at myself in the full-length mirror, naked. I stared at myself disgusted as I compared myself to her. I was now five foot two, not much different than before James and I met. My skin color had fluctuated over the time, though it was still apparent that I had a mixed heritage. My dark black hair now fell down to my waist as I left it to grow over the years. I had gained weight, once 140 pounds, now up to 160. My breasts had ballooned from a 36C to a 40D. She and I had no comparison, she was much prettier. She had pale skin, shoulder-length blond hair, a tall yet thin frame, and this beaming smile that seemed to radiate the room when she flashed it. Her image seemed to be burned into. Alongwith days and days of beatings and torture. They really had me "by theballs," and so I would comply. For now.I had come a long way in one week, learning how to wear sexy clothes andwalk, what men wanted from my ass and mouth, how to make them moan withpleasure. For tonight it was black. Black everything, from panties toneck collar. My penis and balls were unlocked for work, because men mightwant to play with or hurt them. I was to walk into the front doorunescorted at seven PM, and serve until four AM. I must call a cab to getthere, and to return. I would be dropped about 15 minutes away by footfor a "walk of shame." I would be given no house key but must ring thebell and knock on the front door until admitted. All for completehumiliation. I would again have a rope with a hangman's noose affixed tomy balls, visibly hanging out from under my skirt. I was not to loosen oruntie it at all, no matter what. Somehow I had managed to put the weekendand the Ramrod out of my mind, but it.
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