Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?Take my advice — I'm not using it.My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.Ever stop to. When I got out of the shower I found fresh robes and a new tampon. Iasked the nurse to help me put it in as I had never done it myself. Sheput the applicator in my hand, and the next thing I knew, the small voicewas back, telling me how to put it in. I had inserted it as if I had beendoing it all my life. As she walked me back to my room, I asked if Icould at least have a telephone or at least a t.v. But being in themental ward doesn't allow such luxuries.The next two days the Doctors. questioned me more and more, but stillthey wouldn't believe me, until just before supper Dr. Stone came in theroom, and said, "Very strange about you claiming to be Terri Donemore,but on a whim I looked up that social security number you gave me, itmatched a Terry Dunmore." That's me! Now do you believe me?" You can't be Terry Dunmore, he died in a fire this Tuesday morning." No it can't be, didn't all the things I said about being him check out?" We figured you somehow knew him, found out about his.
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