But not by ME, but by an African male (in fact there would be more than one 'donor'---there were to be three separate men doing the honor! But we weren't divulging this particular fact to either of our families (at least, not right a way)!Marta's side had a strong history of having twins, and so there was a distinct possibility that she would carry on that tendency as well. The idea of coming home after the vacation to discover that Marta really was pregnant (with twins, or not) was an incredibly exciting thing for me, as well as my wife! The reason for this is complicated and difficult to explain in a few words, but our desire to have an interracial baby was two fold: 1.) Marta and I were constantly frustrated, and angered, by the growing racism and white nationalism we saw around us (and not just in Europe, but in America, as well), and 2.) Having a 'mixed race' c***d seemed the perfect counterattack against all of that! And so, I'd decided that if Marta and I were to ever have a. Nothing but silence brought about by my own weaknesses. My deepest fear was realized time and again…no one wanted me, for any amount of time. I always fucked up and they always walked away. There was an empty bottle of wine that lay shattered against the locked door. I didn’t know why I had locked it. No one would be coming to see me, to save me. This was my own personal hell, created for and by me. This is where I would live, the monstrosity of pain that I had built on trying to be what no one really wanted. I had not eaten for days. The hunger pangs had stopped long ago. I was starving, but on many levels which had nothing to do with food. The starvation sank deep into my bones and it would no doubt be what killed me. A loud clap of thunder shook the walls and sound reverberated inside my little room. It had been raining non-stop, lightning and thunder playing off one another in the distance. Perhaps it was getting closer, the fury of the storm, the wrath of someOne that didn’t.
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