He had manipulated me into doing something I didn?t want to do and when I wasn?t even ready to do anything more today. He was superior to me because he was rich, yes, but he was also dominating me with manipulation and I really felt lower than dirt because of it. But as I was in the bathroom I thought that even with all that I had been through, I had made good money and I had made the right decisions. Just in the couple of hours I had made $240 and a lot of that time was just talking or drinking juice. $240 was worth it in my mind for what I went through. If it was worth it, why do I feel so bad and want to cry again? I let myself cry for a minute. It was just too overwhelming, I was so humiliated. I made myself think on the details of what I just did, I had a great climax while he watched as his bare feet were on my face and I was sucking on his sweaty toes. Was that really worth $240? I couldn?t think, I decided to answer that question later. As painful as it was, I wanted to. After about 10 minutes I got up and went near the water drain pipe and urinated.Then I took my underwear and put it for drying. Wearing only the dhoti I came and sat on my bed. All this time Sornam had been lying in her bed quietly.Then in a hesitating voice I called "Sornam" and she replied "yes Anna". I said to her "I did sin — but I could not help it — will you forgive me". She remained silent. I said "you must be angry with me and I know that you will not forgive me— I understand it — but please do not say about this to the other people in the house". She did not reply and I did not know what to talk further.So I kept sitting on my bed and watched her. Then I got up, went and sat near her again.She opened her eyes and saw me. When she tried to get up I said "you remain like that". Then I asked her "why you are not answering me?". She replied "Anna — I do not know what to say". I asked her "will you tell this to my house people?". She said "no Anna — I will not - how can I do it —.
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