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It’s alright, baby. I’m here. Mommy’s here.” Noah’s crying intensified and I hugged him tighter. Eventually, Noah cried himself out although I continued to embrace him. Softly he said. “Mom, am I gay?” His voice cracked, threatening to bring on another round of tears.I smiled although he couldn’t see me do that. “Why would you think you’re gay, baby?” I asked.Noah lifted his head and looked at me. “Well, I don’t know… people at school keep calling me gay. I think even Jennifer thinks I’m gay.” He paused. “Maybe I am.” He had the saddest face that I could ever remember.I took his face in both hands and looked intently into his watery eyes. “Noah, honey. Do you think you’re gay?” There was uncertainty written on his face as he answered with a quiet “No.” Although, it sounded as if he wasn’t sure if he had given the right answer. It broke my heart to see such self-doubt in my only child.Noah has been my everything since I got knocked up at 15 by your garden variety asshole. Life had. And, her blouse is kind off-kilter. You wonder if you look the same. You’re really not sure what to do now, so you break the awkward pause by offering a tour of the home.You start in the back with the guest room.“Do you get many guests,” Marcy asks?“Not really,” you reply. “You’re the first in a long time.”“Well, maybe we can visit more often if you like.”“I think I’d like that just fine,” You say.But, you’re wondering where this is going, and not so sure you want a long-term relationship with anyone.' Why the fuck am I thinking about a long-term relationship,' you wonder. 'We don’t have a relationship now, and I’m not sure I want one. I’m not even sure what this is?' You must have an odd look on your face because Marcy looks at you with a raised eyebrow, which is actually kind of sexy. You shake your head and continue the tour walking through the living room, kitchen and upstairs.“Love the pool table,” Grant says. “Maybe we could play sometimes. I used to be pretty good back in.
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