But then, of course, no one else had ever seen me wearing it. Maybe he’d like me a little. In the medicine cabinet, there were six one-month containers of birth control pills that had not been used in almost exactly two years. I popped three of them out of their little foil holders and looked at them in my palm. I’d read that this was the equivalent of a ‘morning after’ pill. I hesitated, thinking. If last night’s episode did result in my being pregnant, would that mean I’d be able to see him later? Could I do that to him? Did I love him so much that I’d use that to hold him? Oh, yes, I thought. That much and a lot more. I loved him enough to let him go, if that’s what he wanted. I threw the pills into my mouth and washed them down with a gulp of tap water. Clothes in the dryer, coffee pot started, bacon frying, and I thought I heard him moving around in the bedroom. Rats! I had meant to go watch him sleep some more. I heard the toilet flush, and I began grating some cheese. Oh,. "We, um, we should start getting dinner ready," I mumble. "Mum will beback from work soon..." Good idea," Sarah whispers, following me into the kitchen andwordlessly helping me prepare our evening meal.Mum arrives home a short while later, and the five of us settle down toeat dinner, our discussion focussing entirely on our dress shoppingadventure today (with Jenny naturally being the centre of attention).Any talk of Jeremy Kyle, or granddad, or sadness of any kind is off thetable as we eat our dinners, but after Sarah and I return home, I can'thelp but grab my laptop and load up the video, yet again sighing andblinking back tears as I watch and rewatch the moment when granddadwalks out onto the stage and turns his chair so that he has his back tome. The host's angry reaction to this callous rejection only serves tomake me feel worse, and I'm almost relieved when Sarah comes over andsnaps my laptop shut- though I soon cringe at the angry look on herface."Stop. Obsessing," Sarah.
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