"Did she tell you what she did about it?" he asked."Copied his computer files onto a flash drive," I said. "She told me she'd given the thing over to you guys. Like I said, she told me everything." Mm," he agreed. "Yes, that's about it except for some personal—" She was a hooker back then," I cut him off. "Yeah, I know that, too."His eyebrows went up and he gave me a speculative look. "And you're, uh, OK with that?" he asked."No, of course I'm not 'OK with that, '" I snapped. "I think it's a shitty way to make a living, a demeaning way for women. But are you asking me if I still love her and want to marry her? Yes, I do, both of those things. That's what she was, not what she is, and what she is now is all I care about. So you've satisfied your prurient curiosity, which is none of your damn business anyway, and can we move on to what's happening today, which is why I'm here?"My irate response got kissy sounds from Susan in my head and another set of raised eyebrows from. I am filled with relief, but a sense of loss, as well, for what might have been. The rational is mixed with the emotional, and they won't meld, they just swirl. Like the water that flows around us, washing the fluids of lust away, and reminding us we are in an artificial environment, and our circumstances are not natural. Neither are our desires, nor the the reserve we have shown, (Samuel has shown, I was a rutting slut at the last). Neither of those two forces are what would be the usual happening. We would have mated, or never been attracted. But we did and didn't, are and yet keep apart. What truly odd creatures are humans. That was a close one. But I feel all the closer to Sammy, for the almost, the being right there at the entrance to his mother's core. And closer to him for his strength, to have not gone inside, not loved me the way we wanted to. I don't know where we go from here, except back to the cabin. We dress and walk back in silence.I order a bottle of that nice wine we.
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