As for a family tradition, this outing was known at the start to be filed at the back under Last Gasp.I knew how the forces were lining up so I blitzkrieged. "There is one thing of which I am certain. I will not be spending the nights on that cramped divan. I get a bed or I'm going home. A real bed. I say whoever discovers the hidden cot is the one who has to sleep in it."Liz made a squirrely face at me, then mouthed the word stupid.Mom was instantly on me about being a gentleman. I had to flop down and present the visual truth. "Look Ma! I'm two feet longer than the goddamned couch." I saw her start to waver, quivering like a flame. No doubt Liz saw the look too. The only nights she and Dad had slept apart had been the ones surrounding our births. Liz had told me that before she got married Mom had given her the same advice as her mother had given her. Make your husband a very warm bed every night. "Very warm," I'd choked, "that's double 4-letter words." "Don't laugh," Liz had. It seemed like I had no sooner hung up the phone when a police officer knocked on my door. I opened it up and was just starting to answer his questions when the ambulance pulled up. It turned out that both responding units happened to be in the neighborhood goofing off. I brought the pill bottle out with me and handed it to the paramedic and let them know that I had taken the whole bottle, a total of 500 pills. They got me into the ambulance and onto the stretcher but I wasn’t out of danger yet. In fact I was very near death it turned out. Even though I had called 911 and voluntarily given myself up for treatment, I still wouldn’t have minded if I hadn’t survived. I was still feeling like everything was all my fault but when one of the paramedics asked me if there was someone they should call I clammed up. It is a coin toss whether I should have had them call Michelle or not. There was a 75% chance she would have come to the hospital but I wanted to punish myself at the time, not.
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