“Well you know where to find me.”I went down and knocked on Room 8.“Might’ve fucking known,” called Evelyn.I went in. They were all in bed. Sofia was watching me steadily, and as I looked round I saw Lauren and Brianna were too.“Come to tuck us in?” Evelyn asked sarcastically.I closed the door and sat down on her bed, trying to read her sulky, pretty face.“It’s a big step for you,” I said to them all, “being away from home.”“Not really,” said Evelyn.“Paige and Jenna are in with the others,” said Brianna. I worked out she meant that the two Year 13’s were looking after the other Year 9’s, in Room 7 next door.“What about the other rooms?” I asked. Why hadn’t I thought about this? Or Janice!“I think they’re a bit mixed up, I don’t know,” said Lauren.I realised we hadn’t been checking who was in which room, just that everyone was okay. Or said they were.“Back in a minute,” I said, and went up to the attic. Bob wasn’t in his room, and nor was Candace as she’d said she’d be. I went back. And even though I'm changing by the moment, my decisions arestill my own. And what's driving me most is the need to care for you,and help you. All the more for what I now know. And you're conflicted,because on the one hand you don't want to like me; but you can't help itbecause you understand the sacrifices I'm making for you. I'm sure it'sa symbiosis. I think it will be a lot easier for us both,psychologically, and generally, if we start behaving like a husband andwife. I mean in so much that we treat each other with dignity, and lookafter each other." Alright," he concedes. By representation of that he wraps his arm backover me, re - encircling me. My internal conflict over that act seemedto be dwindling too. Last night I'd been desperate to be held when Iwasn't, and tonight had felt decidedly uncomfortable when Kevin hadresponded to my jested suggestion by doing exactly that. A clear sign Iwasn't sure what I wanted, and probably some residual heterosexual maleguilt."I'm not.
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