" And who do you blame?" I always thought there was something I did to deserve it, that it was somehow my fault. Oh I hated him for touching me, but I also blamed myself. I think I still do somehow although I know that's wrong. I didn't deserve that. I just wanted my daddy to love me."Leotie saw the tears start to well up. "We won't talk about this anymore today. We will deal with it with Gaho's help. I think it may well be the underlying cause of some of the trouble you are having trusting more of your life to another person. Your trust was betrayed by the very person who was supposed to protect you. Let's talk about what we're going to do. You must have questions about the vision quest." I have a million but some I will save for Gaho. How do you see the vision quest working?" I'm not sure psychology has all of those answers but we do recognize the combination of isolation, deprivation, fasting and meditation as powerful stimulators of deep introspective thought, and even. Ann was now the perfect mother. Ann and I had many discussions about having more children. She wanted a large family but I wanted to stop at the two we already had. Ann tried all her "lawyer" tricks on me, but evidentially I prevailed.I had a vasectomy to prevent accidents.We were the perfect little family.I looked back down at the package on the bed. She had never put the outfit on for me. She said, "I'm saving it for a special occasion." I sat there on the edge of the bed and started crying.I guess that that occasion would never happen now.As I sat there I thought," Never save something for as Special Occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion." I still think those words changed my life."Now I read more and clean less." "I sit on the porch without worrying about anything." "I spend more time with my family and less at work." "I understand that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through." My thoughts drifted back to those years long.
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