One look by him, and I knew I was going to be lost, punished and used. My anger subsided, my need for gratification made itself felt.“Whore, take your shirt and bra off!”, he calmly said to me. That word, the way he said it. There was no question that I was going to follow his orders. But part of me still felt a little of the anger and didn’t want to make it easy for him. First he thought he had a say in what I look like, and now he just wants me to submit. “No!”. “Ah, whore, we both know that you want it, and that you are going to do it. Take your shirt and your bra off. Now.”.I was shivering of excitement but I just couldn’t yet. I am a strong and independent woman, I thought. “No! First you are rude and now you want me to just blindly follow your horny urges? Fuck you!”. He smiled at me. He accepted the challenge, I could see in his eyes how amused and excited he was.“Well, you want to do it the hard way, eh? Okay, I will count to ten now. If you are still wearing clothes at ten,. I'd been on a boat before – walking was just a matter of timing your steps to the rocking.The small door behind me looked like a bathroom door, and it was. I didn't turn on the light – bathrooms have mirrors, and I desperately didn't want to see myself. I fumbled for the toilet seat, lifted it, undid my jeans, and pushed them down. Steadying myself on the wall, I sat, and let flow.My pee smelled and stung. I peed a lot. Dehydration. Drink water dummy.And then I was like, Why? I was supposed to be dead. Peace and quiet and dead. Why couldn't I be dead? I couldn't even kill myself successfully, not even with pills and a bridge to jump off of. Fuck, Fuck, FUCK. I felt tears tickle the corners of my eyes. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want anything. What I wanted was nothing, or really, nothingness. I just wanted everything to be over.Sniffling, I wiped, pulled up my pants, flushed, and turned to the sink. Dixie cups, in a little dispenser. It was like I was a little girl again, playing.
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