But then I'm starting to think thatthat's what we all have in common here. Our weirdness," I said as wearrived at my door."I think you're more right than you know," Sara said. "Are you going tobe ok on your own or would you like me to stay over." I think I'll be ok. I've got to be on my own sometime," I said.Sara agreed and said goodnight. As I entered the room and the doorclosed behind me, I started to think back over the last couple of days.The offer from TMF, sleeping with the Doctors. my plans for all themoney I was going to have, waking up in this body, the trip to town,even the way I was now dressed.It felt like a lifetime of crazinesscrammed into a few days. All the things I'll never be able to do again,like pee standing up, fucking a beautiful woman and getting herpregnant, being 'one of the boys'. All the things that had changed in mylife and how it would never be the same again. It was like a torrent ofrain slamming into me and, where, moments ago I was happy and. ‘Actually let’s be honest about this. You aren’t afraid, you’re terrified, talk to me.’ I felt tears fill my eyes and tried to lower my head but he just held my head in his hands. ‘Talk to me Crystal.’ His voice was soft but also I felt like he had given me a command. I looked into his eyes. ‘What if I disappoint him Robert?’ He looked at me questioningly. ‘I haven’t been with anybody since Danny…since he…’ I choked on a sob and Robert pulled me into his arms. ‘Since the night Danny raped you.’ he said against my ear as he held me. I nodded against his shoulder as I cried. My body shook with my sobs. ‘I’m scared Robert. What if I can’t be with anybody now? When Hawk touched me up at Widow’s peak all I saw was Danny laying over me. Forcing himself on me.’ I lifted my head to look into his eyes. ‘What if I can’t love Hawk the way he wants me to?’ Robert pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and gently wiped my eyes. ‘All you can do is try Crystal. If you start to see Danny again just.
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