I finally admit that I need someone to talk to and I hope you will listen. Actually, I need to go back a few years and let you know who I am. A few years ago I would have called myself a transvestite, or crossdresser. In those years I hid my dressing and was in a constant state of emotional turmoil. Work, daily living, meeting people, and just living were all tremendous obstacles for me. I constantly worried about being found out and losing my job, or getting kicked out of my apartment. I lived for the weekends and those few times when I could go to another town and live for a few days as a woman. During those precious hours I would live in soft fabrics, makeup, perfume, heels, and lingerie. It was the only time when I felt complete and at ease with myself. And you probably know that if you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else. So, I was miserable most of the time. I couldn't afford the transformation surgery, nor the mandatory counseling. I felt very stuck. I just kept on. Oh god he had just cum inside my mouth. The reality paralyzed me with such uncertainty that, the man had plenty of time to finish unloading everything into my mouth. Slowly, he pulled out and I watched it disappear. Quickly, I spit out the sour yet sweet white milk from my mouth into the toilet. There was a lot of it as I watched it flush away. I went to the sink and tried to wash my mouth out as best as I could. Then I searched my purse for some gum and popped it into my mouth. Looking into the mirror, I realized I had just given my first blow job. The thought excited me, yet scared me. Regardless, I had to giggle. This was going to be an interesting entry into my diary, I thought as I cleaned up and made my way to the parking lot. The drive home was great. We laughed, told silly jokes and got along just great. I had given my first blow job which put me in a really great mood. Even if my dad would have been down and out, I think I could have infected him with my laughter and my.
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