”“You think you are or are you?”“I mean, I do. I’m fine.”Her hands are taking more of my arm; it’s now laying onto hers, her other hand caressing the length of my forearm.“Do you know who I am?”“Mara?”“I mean, do you know what I do?”“I think—an influencer I think?”“Have you ever seen what I do?”“No, I’m—I’m sorry.”“No, no, no… it’s perfect, I prefer when they don’t know.”Her smile is kind. I’m staring straight at her, and I can’t look away. I don’t think it’s because she’s supposedly famous, but I’ve spent less than ten minutes with her and I already see it: she’s good at this, very good at this. She has barely said anything, and I know I could listen to her for hours, that I could tell her anything.“I am a brand ambassador, for Moxie. I make videos, posts, go to events. My entire wardrobe is Moxie products, yours will be too. You’ve ever worn Moxie?”“No, I didn’t know they made clothes for guys.”“They do! They’re amazing, you’ll love them.”I don’t know what to say, I’ve never really. .. since I was last with you. I guess I ... I don’t think I’ve even masturbated since ... Oh, God!”I broke down crying. I knew since when. It was in Oregon before I wrote that fucking scene. I kept pounding out words in the story. I kept finding more and more pain to write about and less sex. Even my readers were getting bored with Living Next Door to Heaven. And every day was bringing me closer to the moment that chapter would post.It didn’t help that I was down on the Oregon coast when I wrote the chapter, just a day before a crazed maniac let loose with a spray of bullets that killed ten students on a campus just south of where I was camped. And I wrote it in fiction, releasing all my rage through Brian who used superhuman powers to kill the fucking gunman. But it didn’t stop the fact that ten died. It didn’t stop three deaths in my story. It didn’t bring Samantha back.It took a while before I got all that out. It took Alice kissing my almost bald head, petting my back, and.
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