As long as you are diligent in your studies, I don’t care where you do your homework.”She chose the kitchen table.I assigned three introductory problems which she completed in no time. Then three more with increased difficulty and again three more even harder yet. Noting the correct answers on those first sets of problems, I handed Catherine a small booklet of nine additional problems.Over the next few days she would receive more groups of nine problems which would cumulate with a compound ‘story problem’ involving one of the problems from each grouping. The kicker would be for her to figure out which equations needed to go with each part and in what order.“After you finish these, stop and move on to your next activity.”Cat nodded distractedly as she read over the first Calculus problem. I retreated to my den to get some work done. These last two weeks, it felt like I didn’t accomplish much of anything while making my preparations for Catherine’s extended stay.Hearing a splash. Why me? Why the hell me? Why let me fall in love so deeply, only to take it away from me? I couldn’t come to terms with the loss at all. At any point in any day, I would burst into tears. The loss of control I felt when these tears smothered me, scared me to death. I could be in my car driving in traffic to work, and suddenly this overwhelming ache would move up my shoulders, up the back of my neck and culminate in floods of tears. I’d arrive at work only to tell them I couldn’t cope and then drive home. I’d be working with the kids in the classroom and suddenly tears would stream down my face. I’d go home and sit on the couch in the lounge, with a cushion in my lap. Staring at nothing. Sitting there for hours. Until my family came home. Then I’d go into automatic pilot mode and cook and clean and help with homework and all manner of mundane day to day things a wife and mother does. Along would come walk time again, and off I’d go with the dog. He must have thought I was stark.
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