By this time we were so close that our heart beats became faster and I could feel the body heat rising in me as I could feel her body against mine. I asked Ratna, Can I kiss you….she didn’t say anything and I proceeded and put a kiss on her cheeks, then again next time on the lips… she was very quiet and then i kissed her again on the pinkish lips but this time, it was a for a long time. While we French kissed, I pushed my tongue into her warm and supple mouth and played with her tongue. I sucked her tongue and then upper lips, while she sucked my lower lips. Then I realized that things were going out of control and I withdrew and told her that we will just hug each other but not go beyond that. I could see a bit of disappointment in her face, I but also really wanted her badly but controlled myself, since we had no plans to marry each other and she was my childhood sweet friend. She said ok, if you wish so, then I am also ok and then hugged each other. While hugging side by side, my. I zoned out, just thinking over and over, things like: `Little goddamn smart-ass mother fuckin' cock suckin' goddamn mother fuckin' little bitch! I'll fuckin' show him queer!'Here I sit, looking at the hearts and initials carved into the sticky wooden bar at the Powder Keg, yet again contemplating leaving this hell-hole of a town. I picture myself seeing the "Entering Angel Hills, population 760 (and falling)" sign in my rear view mirror as I stick my hand out the window and flip a fond farewell birdie to my birthplace.My favorite fantasy is the one where I meet this hunky guy and we fall in love and I'm sitting in his lap-- maybe with his dick in my ass-- yelling 'FUCK YOU ALL!' as we drive our escape route through town, laughing at the shocked looks on the good folks' faces.When I do leave, I'm pretty sure I'll never want to come back, even to visit my family. Hell, they wouldn't want me to come back if they ever learned what I am. And I think, or at least fantasize, that if I.
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