You can also buy elaborate computer games that let you imagine you are taking part.In carefully designated combat zones skilled people try to kill each other. People still die; war hasn't changed that much. The rules just got tighter. Nobody wants to kill economically productive citizens these days. It's only the professionals that pay the ultimate price.Am I really a mass murderer? Am I a war criminal? I don't know. I really don't know.My own people have handed me over to the enemy. I'm too hot to handle and too easy to dispose of. I'm the scapegoat to limit the damage. They need to stop it reaching anyone further up the chain of command. Some things never change. Chapter 2 EvaI slept fitfully that night. My dreams were strange and disturbing. I kept running through my earlier thoughts about being in an aircraft. In my dreams I often seemed to be somebody else. I saw flashes where I thought I was a man, they were strong but none of my dreams were complete or coherent and I didn't. Yet, my hands hesitate to open the car door. We have not really crossed any lines, have we? Ms. Peterson is a new member of my congregation. Maybe I am seeing sin where there is none. After all, she bravely occupies the first pew, when most like to hide toward the middle to back.She sought a private meeting with me needing my counsel. Maybe I imagined the extra touches of her hand - on my shoulder and thigh. This beautiful woman may have dry lips, that her tongue innocently needs to lick. She does not cloak herself in modesty like the other ladies, but I should not judge her based on her clothing choices. Surely, I am imagining her attraction to me. A member of my congregation would not be so bold as to seduce their pastor. What still troubles me is regardless of her intentions, my sin is clear. I had doubts about her motives for private time with me, yet I kept seeing her. I must admit I wanted to see where these sessions would lead. I have prayed for truth in my heart and must own.
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