I remainedsilent, thinking about it more and more."I'm sorry," he said. "I see that I've upset you. I shouldn't have donethat. I'm sorry. I'll do better next time, I promise I won't touch youthere unless you actually give me explicit permission."I remained silent."Does this mean we're not gonna have fun together tonight?" he asked. "WasI wrong to tell you? Perhaps you would've prefered to have remainedignorant about it? I guess I thought you might be upset, but that you'drather know than be kept in the dark about it, and that since I was honestwith you you'd forgive me." I remained silent. "Would you? Would youforgive me?" I still didn't respond, so he said, "Please! Just saysomething already!"I looked up at him, feeling sad and conflicted. And then I whispered,"Show me." What?" he asked."Show me. Show me what you did to me. So that I'll know. So that I'll knowhow it would've felt if I had been awake. Just do it one more time so thatI know." You're asking me to touch your butt. “Vanessa, you’ve got to digest some of this. I have to digest some of this. Think where we were Friday – just two days ago! We almost came apart. And since then, you got me to whip you, and then there was Marguerite and everything that happened with her, and then there was my reaction to it this morning.“It occurred to me later, that your safeword was worthless if you were gagged. Did you think about using it this morning?”I lowered my head. “Yes, when you pulled me down on your cock. I was bewildered. I had been so hot in the car, and your tying me up and gagging me made me hotter. Even the whipping did. It just suddenly became all too much, when you pulled me down on you. I knew with one part of my mind that there had to be a reason, a justification, for why you were treating me so roughly, and I think I knew in my heart what it was. But in another part I was scared.”He reached over and took my hand. “It scared me too. I thought I was losing control. I thought about wanting to hurt.
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