It was loneliness, wasn't it? Susan was lonely while he was in the middle of his crises. Of course in his distress he had not felt like having sex. She needed more than a physical presence: she needed a more attentive one centred on her. Would Angela be the same, have the same needs but in a different way?There were weeks and months when he had to work long hours out in the fields, basically all daylight hours, and they were long in summer. She would be alone with no one to talk to, no one to confide in. Would she end up getting in the car and going back to her friends and gradually needing them more than she needed him?That was it. It wasn't the isolation in itself, it was the need for her female friends and in fact for the whole of her friendship circle. He could not compete. Then there was the unrelenting routine of farming life, the early rising every day, year in, year out. He recalled the conversation about getting away for holidays. He never went away for holidays. Elaine was. I lean forwards and confirm what's going on between my legs.There's no doubt about it. Physically, at the very least, I am no longera man.I slump on the toilet, suddenly exhausted. I don't really know how todeal with this.The door to the bathroom opens and group of guys enter the bathroom.Suddenly I realize how vulnerable I am.I wait while they stand at the urinals, pissing."Did you see that new girl?" one of them asks. "The one with the longblue hair that was naked in the park?"I swallow down the bile in my throat."Oh, fuck yeah. I'm going to keep an eye out for her, she's definitelygetting introduced to my cock!" says his friend.Hastily I start pulling my clothes back on.As I do, I bump my phone off the side of the toilet paper dispenser andit falls to the ground with a clatter."Oh, someone's in the shitter," the first guy says. "Just hanging out,not shitting or anything." Hope you're not some kind of fag!" the other says, pushing the dooropen, while I'm stuck with my clothes over.
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