His Honor is rocking at Gracie Mansion, but we all know he’d rather be rolling with here us.” [So why doesn’t he pick up some garbage, too,” from a fellow with his hat on backward.]“And let’s give a hand to Lt. Randy Escoveda, Central Park Precinct. Stand up, Lieutenant. [Polite clapping.]“In four years we’ve seen sexual assaults drop from 11 to 1, robberies from 204 to 89, and assaults from 37 to 30. Let’s give another hand for the men and women in blue!” [Appreciative compliance.]“But stay on your feet a minute, Lieutenant. What say you be a little less vigilant about, ‘No person shall, in a public place, engage in any act of lewdness, including but not limited to sexual intercourse, fellatio, cunnilingus or masturbation.’ Why, none of us would be here if you caught everybody!” [Laughter, including that of the Lieutenant.]“Just kidding, sir. We truly appreciate how NYPD is making Central Park safe, especially above 72nd.“And a very special welcome to this year’s ‘Twice Qualified’. So she’s thinking of adding material — with a demonstration — on the best way to fuck a woman ... or a man, as the case may be.”“Oh, shit! Wonderful!” Mom said sarcastically while shaking her head in dismay. “But what about Donald Grimes?”“Oh! This is from the horse’s mouth,” Diane said gleefully. “Monica Cumberland has been telling me all about it. And she’s a remarkable beauty now, too.” To Mom she said, “In addition to the extra weight, do you remember her granny glasses? They were just like mine: real Coke bottles.”Mom slowly nodded.“Well, they’re gone, as are Chris Grimes’, Don’s wife. Those two women are real beauties now, too. It seems that Grimes has some money, so he paid for both operations. Those two women are now virtually twins. They have the loveliest soft brown hair and hazel eyes...” She grinned and continued, “Anyway, Monica is now living with the Grimes. And at least once a week she and Chris will shave Don all over! And I mean all over. They only leave the hair on.
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