’ His voice remained surprisingly calm only furthering my guilt for what I had done to him. Even when he was angry, I being the one to cause his anger, he was still trying to preserve his own feelings for mine. ‘I know and I wish I didn’t. But I can’t help how I feel about Evan. I really wanted to like you and I tried. But I just couldn’t get over him and I’m not quite sure if I ever really wanted to.’ I knew my words would hurt but I had to be honest not only to him but myself. ‘I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself. I knew there was something missing, that you never looked at me the way I looked at you. But I convinced myself to think nothing of it because I wanted you so bad. But when we came here tonight and I saw you look at him. Your eyes…..Your eyes met his in the way I had only dreamed it would be, but for me not him. I saw him follow you and I knew what I would see. I just had to see with my own eyes to make sure.’ His voice remained confident but I could tell he was. I hope you enjoy them as much as we have...The things you do in the early stages of a relationship tend to set the scene for years to come. One of the things we found out about each other was that we would do it almost anywhere so long as we could do it with each other. One of our favourites - it still is - was disabled lavatories. They’re usually pretty clean, always spacious and private. After a while we found ourselves hunting them out. We’d met quite late on, so nobody seemed to notice the couple in their forties using the loo together.Working at sea meant that there were times of the year when our time together was limited, so Lisa would sometimes travel to see me either whilst my ship was in dock or between ships when I would sometimes travel the length of the country to join a new one. The joy of the self employed contractor, I suppose. On one occasion she came to London to see me as I headed out to Ramsgate on the Kent coast.I saw her across the concourse at Victoria Station,.
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