Diet, aerobics, weights, grooming. Four things. Not difficult. Now let's look at food. Where's the kitchen?"I showed Katya the kitchen, explained that Branca does most of the cooking — she lives rent free, I said in exchange for keeping the place clean and looking after things around the flat. I could see that Katya was making her own decisions about my relationship with Branca.Katya was soon rummaging in the pantry and cupboards in the kitchen, in the fridge and the freezer. She was shaking her head. "Too much wrong food. Much has to go. I need a bag," she said. "Much has to go."She started to pile food up on the breakfast bar. "Hey," I said, "is this really necessary?"Katya looked back at me with determination. "Daphne," she said, "the kitchen is the hardest gym of all. Here it is too easy to go wrong. Too easy to slip back. Too much junk here." She picked out a pack of burgers from the freezer and tossed it onto the pile. "You cannot run on junk. Cannot train with rubbish in your. All whispers ceased as I approached the casket. She looked just as beautiful in death as life, an expression that could only be described as serene on her face.I was crying silently as I approached, and as soon as I saw her they became a flood. My heart broke all over again. I leaned as close as I could to her ear and whispered for about three minutes while Jose and Dan held me to make sure I didn’t fall, before I stood and they helped me to the pew. No one ever knew what I said. That was between me, her, and God.I broke down a third time when I saw the tombstone the family had chosen. “Sandra R. Moore, Beloved Wife and Mother.”I don’t remember the graveside service or the wake that followed. One family member or another was at my side the whole time. When it was over I went home, only to be completely reminded of her presence. It took three months before I finally allowed her things to be packed up. I’d taken the pillowcase she’d slept on the last night of her life and sealed it,.
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