The guys had already returned to the living room and were sitting down talking as we joined them so we could once again enjoy their company. We talked for about an hour, when Toni got up as she said, “Jessica, come with me, I want to tell you something.”Both guys said, “What’s this?”Toni said, “Hey y’all, just take it easy, we gals need a few moments in private to just be ourselves, okay? Just take it easy and we’ll be back out shortly.”I went with her to Troy’s bedroom. We both stripped naked so we could join the guys, but before we went back out, we both stood gazing closely at each other’s bodies. Toni began saying she had always wanted to be clean shaven as I was but didn’t ever do it because she was afraid it would look funny. She looked fantastic though as she asked if I had ever had any regrets after I had done it. I told her no, and that I had shaved myself for years. She also commented on my breasts and how lovely and beautiful they were pointing out their more rounded shape. From the time you were a baby you’ve always been the one to cheer up the family. You don’t deserve all this.’ ‘And now I’ll end up spending the rest of my life alone. I can’t believe this is happening to me.’ ‘I’ll never abandon you, Mandy. You’ll never be alone.’ ‘You know what I mean, Sandy. Is it too much to expect a partner to stick around for 3-6 months? Pete has the rest of his life to spend with his married trollop. Couldn’t he just pretend for this short period of time?’ ‘Mandy, I have no idea what’s going on in his mind, but I won’t legitimize his choice. Even if he has problems with illness, you don’t deserve to be abandoned, and you deserve more than just a partner who pretends.’ ‘Sandy, I just feel so lost, alone and empty. Am I so unlovable or unworthy of being loved? I’m only 39, how can I be dying? I’m so confused. Sometimes I wish this cancer was like the others, filled with physical pain. Maybe physical pain would divert my focus away from this overwhelming emotional.
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