Don't believe a word of it. The only stiff thing about Nigel is his... but I'm leaping ahead.The lowest point of our cultural 'bore-nanza', after a series of non-events in Italy, Austria and I don't know where else, came an hour or so into a trudge around the National Gallery, London, England, UK. Don't get me wrong, I like art galleries. But with Charlie? I mean even if I don't arouse Charlie, you'd think the Rokeby Venus might.It wasn't like he didn't see it. He spent twenty minutes criticising the brushwork, showing neither pleasure nor embarrassment at the prolonged examination of the bum he was dissecting. And trying to show me the vanishing point. I just wished he'd vanish. The picture had more effect on me than it did on him.His voice droned endlessly while I thought, 'Wow, if I had a bottom like that I'd pose for any painter. I wonder if she was getting turned on. I wonder if she had to have a tissue in front of her, or whatever girls mopped themselves with in those days.' I. Eventually they became aware of their nakedness and started grabbing up their clothes. Kevin jumped into his jeans and practically ran to the door and was gone, still carrying his underwear, shirt, shoes, and socks.Debbie sobbed and walked, head down, to the bathroom. I heard her crying over the sounds of the shower. I picked up the remote and turned on the game. I had planned on working all day Saturday, but I had forgotten about my alma mater's game with Notre Dame. I decided that half a day Saturday would have to be enough for my boss and returned home, only to find my married neighbor from down the street rutting with my wife of 18 years. My initial response was violence, toward Debbie, and Ralph. That little voice in my head warned that the consequences of that would be far-reaching and unpleasant for me. I took a deep breath and then took a seat. I was amazed that they had not noticed me sooner. Perhaps I should have turned the game on right away?Debbie must have spent an hour.
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