Pretty hot stuff, don't you agree?" True, true," Mrs. Claus said. "Laura's Toes is certainly my favorite, but I was thinking more along the lines of a vibrating dildo. One of those new three-speed babies. Fast. Slow. Ho-ho-ho!"Santa nodded sagely. "Good idea. And batteries to go with, right?" Of course," Mrs. Claus confirmed. "What good's a vibrating dildo without batteries? So that settles that—one of the new Unicorn Hummers." But wait," Santa said, examining the stock. "What color? Seems they come in silver and gold." Oh, that's right," said Mrs. Claus. "Hm." Her keen eyes carefully regarded the Hummers, the sleekly smooth shafts gleaming in workshop light. "They're both very attractive." So let's just say gold," Santa said, about to toss the gold Unicorn 3-Speed Hummer into his sack.Mrs. Santa stopped him. "Gold might not go." What do you mean, 'might not go'?" You don't happen to know the color of Sandra's hair?" Mrs. Claus inquired. "We wouldn't want the Unicorn Hummer to. I have one regret. I cannot be with you to watch Chris grow up to be a man like his father. My only worry is that you will live a lonely life, or an unhappy one. Eleven months have passed since I’ve taken the road that goes on forever, and its time for you to mosey on, my handsome cowboy. Your friendly ghost is not trying to rule from the grave, only to guide. The biography I’ve written in this notebook is to get you thinking about your future happiness. I love Sharon Walker. She is a wonderful person and, like you, has been hurt. You might find comfort in one another. Sam, you were never much of a schmoozer. We’ve argued about this for years, and now I get the last word — I had to make the first move. I’m afraid you might be in so much pain, the first aggressive ‘Honey’ who shows you some affection will win your heart by default. That wouldn’t be fair to you or Chris. You have a lot in common with Sharon. A friendship would help heal the wounds that life has given you both. Use.
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