SYSTEMS LAWS & RULESIf Architects built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.Any Given program, once running, is obsolete.If a test program functions perfectly, all subsequent systems will malfunctionIf a program is useful, it will have to be changed corollary:If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.All programs expand to fill available memory corollary:All programs expand beyond the ability of the programmer to understand them.Interchangeable files won’tRegardless of the units used by the customer, the programmer shall use his own arbitrary units, convertible only by means of weird & unnatural conversion factors. Speed, for example, will be expressed as furlongs per fortnight.Files that cannot be destroyed will be.Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the cost of errors, or until someone insists that work be done.A carelessly planned program takes 4 times longer to complete. A boat coming out of the harbour passed quite close to us and I saw 3 people looking at me and I wondered if they realised that I was alive or a mascot or figurehead or whatever it is that they call animals of nude girls that you sometimes see at the front of a boat. I wasn’t in a position that I could wave to them to let them know that I was a living human being.Anyway, I heard Aryn on the radio as we crawled into the harbour and for a few seconds I thought that he was going to drive the yacht nose into the parking slot. I was nervously excited about that thought but at the last minute Aryn turned and reversed us into the slot. I was left staring out into the harbour with only a couple of little boats with someone in them, and they weren’t looking my way. I was both disappointed and relieved. I’d seen a lot of people, some in uniforms, and I was concerned that they might want to arrest me.When the engine died I felt the vibrator burst into life. Soon, my body was squirming and I.
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