The more important purpose of this was voyeuristic.Simone's top was tight, as I already mentioned, but it had a scooped neckline. As she would bend over to take a shot (with me saying things like "lean over more, get closer to the cue ball"), I would find myself looking straight down her cleavage. As she looked up at me to determine whether her cue was lined up with my raised finger at the table edge, she could and did unmistakably catch me staring into her exquisite décolletage. I know she was completely aware of my purpose, because the first few shots left her face ablaze with a blush. The smirk was gone — perhaps with the cleavage in view, her sense of holding all the power slipped away.Once I knew that she knew, I teased her further. On each shot, the coaching process required me to tell her when she was ready to actually take the shot. First, I'd wait until she was all lined up with my target mark. Then, I'd wait until she looked up into my eyes and ask "now?"I would then almost. But the driving force in me rebounding with her was the need of someone... anyone ... to be with me. I had NEEDED someone to love, someone to love me.Maybe it was time I learned to get along on my own.What was it Brooke had once told me? I had to grow up and stop letting stuff happen TO me. I'd made small changes, but life was still coming AT me and I was just reacting to it. Even DJ, who was two years younger than me, had figured out our relationship wasn't what it should be well before I did. For a long time, my girlfriends and sisters had loved me and had been the ones to effect change in my life.Maybe it was time I stepped up and effected the changes in MY life.And it started with me. If I was going to be happy, I had to figure out how to be happy by myself. Only then could I figure out how to be happy WITH someone else. I didn't want to depend on my girlfriend to make me happy anymore.So where to start? Not with finding a girlfriend. But what else would make me happy?I pondered.
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