I believe I can find my own way out so I'll leave you to your decisionmaking.'???? ????? After I was sure he was out of earshot Iturned to Jennifer a questioning look on my face.????? 'I don't see that we have any choice' shesaid in reply to my unspoken question.????? 'I agree, I know that he's a disgustingoaf but I think we need to accept his offer.'????? 'I'm still concerned about these tasksthough' she confided.????? 'I know honey so am I, he mentioned thenames of a couple of shows he's made before to me, perhaps we can look them upon the internet and get a idea of what to expect?'? ????? So we retired to my study, the only namehe mentioned that had really stuck in my mind was Kamikaze Club so I putthat? in to the search engine. Clickingon the first promising website that appeared, our worst fears seemed to havebeen confirmed, It seemed to be the crassest form of entertainment conceivable!The tasks seemed to involve people running across greased bars and falling intopools of mud. I dream of his possession, the freedom of belonging to this person. And I whisper to him, ‘You are all that I am not, all that I was lacking.’ And he smiles. Because what I lack, he contains. Where I am weak, he is not. A power for a weakness, a give for a take. In his eyes, I see the truth. I know that there is doom and pain ahead, and still I inch my body toward his, aching for that poison. Aligning myself with him, tipping my head to look into his eyes, indeed his very soul, laying my hand on his chest, I know I’ve found home. I haven’t the right. I want to step back, to leave this man, this poet, for someone else to find, but I cannot. He is there, his heart beating steady against my hand, and I am not possessed of the power to let him go. I feel the tears, building at the back of my eyes, threatening to spill over. I turn away, frantically. He can’t see me this way, know the depth of my pain, my need. But he touches me and I am lashed by that touch, rendered powerless. So I.
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