”“I really must protest!” the elderly housekeeper insisted.“Oh please don’t be alarmed, if you don’t want to be poked there are surely plentiful opportunities for fat, lazy, ugly, argumentative old biddies with no references out there,” I reassured her, “Why Chatsworth or Buckingham Palace will doubtless send runners forthwith to entreat you to head their households.”“But I am pure!” she whined.“Then its high time you had some pleasure in your drab humdrum existence,” I insisted, “In fact why not start now, up on the table with you and raise your skirts.”“I most certainly shall not!” she protested.“On well on the floor then,” I suggested.“You shall not lay a finger on me!” she snapped.“No intention to old girl, I had in mind the Butler,” I explained, “So Butler, do you want a job or nay?” I asked, “For if you wish to remain give the old biddy a seeing to!”“But sir I cannot!” he whined.I sought the comeliest serving wench, “You,” I said, “Pop your melons out, slip your smock to your. .. Yes, there's that too. But want to knowwhy I know we're soul mates?" Go on," I say."I don't know why," Jamie confesses. "I only know that there isliterally no one I'd rather spend my life with than Stuart." Aww," the transman playfully coos, making his fianc?e roll her eyes ashe hands her her drink. "You two coming to the wedding in May?" We'll be there," I say, smiling as Simon wraps his arm around mywaist."Though we're going to enjoy this party first!" Simon says, finishinghis drink and waiting for me to finish mine before leading me back outto the dancefloor.We stay at the party until just after 1am, at which point we head backto Simon's house, where we spend the rest of the night indulging all ofour most basic desires. When I wake up the following morning, Iexperience my customary moment of hungover panic as I find myself in anunfamiliar room, before turning over and discovering the sleepingteenager wedged next to me in the bed."Hey," I whisper, gently shaking Simon's shoulder.
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