That’s all.”“I don’t suppose you have any pictures of him, do you?”Jim immediately produced a jpeg of his friend Harry that showed a very dark hunk of a man in a business suit. Kinky hair cut close to the scalp, a small well trimmed mustache, and goatee, and if those were muscles bulging under that blue suit I was already hooked.“You aren’t afraid that I might like him too much?” I inquired, turning away so that he wouldn’t see what I already thought of his idea.“You love me enough to marry me Chrissie, that’s good enough for me. To me sex and love are two different things. And what I’m talking about here is just sex. With you as the center piece in this little get together.”“But what would you think of me?” I had to ask.“I’d think the same thing I thought the day that I proposed to you, and you said yes,” he replied. “That I’m the luckiest man in the world.”Oh I let him go on about it for most of the day before I reluctantly agreed, of course, but I knew then that I was more than. It was like being eaten alive from the inside out. My only escape seemed to be to fantasize about Kate, which I did often. My start of junior high in September was not the joyous occasion I had imagined. Kate lived on the other side of town and ended up at a different school. Although I was surrounded by more attractive young girls than I could imagine, I could not get Kate out of my mind. As I sat in class, I often found myself looking off to the right expecting to see her sitting there against the wall. I was like a lost puppy, with no one to follow around. Although I was without Kate, I didn’t dare start a relationship with someone else. I simply didn’t want to share the pain I was going through with anyone else. My internalizing my pain wasn’t exactly doing me any good though. It was just that the infighting in my family was not something I wanted to expose anyone else to at this time. The problems at home only added to my insecurities I felt as an adolescent. I was really.
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