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Welcome to the family!"So the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.Tarzan & Jane are swinging through the trees one day, with Tarzan repeatedly making his jungle call.Suddenly he lets out an almighty ear-splitting shriek.He turns to Jane and says "Jane, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times ... GRAB! THE! VINE!!!"-- and two that go togetherQ: Why do elephants paint their balls red?A: So they can hide in apple trees.Q: How did Tarzan die?A: Picking apples.Building PermitSome have asked what I've been doing in retirement. Well, I applied for a building permit for a new house.It was going to be 100 ft. tall and 400 ft. wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.The City Council told me; "Forget it ... AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!"So, I sent in the application again, but this time I called. While the cooking was finishing up I took my Estwing Rigger's Axe into Carl's trailer and put it in the Igloo, hoping for six copies. I didn't think I'd done anything wrong to the workers, especially since they'd intended to capture or kill me in the first place and steal anything I had. Still, they had done the job for me and no matter what caused them to get volunteered for the work, I didn't intend to beat them out of their labor. I told Carl about it and he said he wouldn't have gone to the trouble, but that it wouldn't hurt anything."Not a one of them has the balls to come around my dogs with a hatchet, not even one as big as that. Even if there was somewhere else here they could find one of them, they couldn't work it out in less than six months. It's going to be an outrageous salary for what they've done," he said.It was a fine hatchet. Estwing called it an axe but it wasn't to my way of thinking. It was big, nearly two feet long, but you really couldn't use it two handed like.
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