I'd stupidly allowed myself to bebefriended by this man, falling into his trap. Now I was unable to stophim controlling and blackmailing me. He was pushing me into things I'dfoolishly written about as pure fantasy, now I couldn't see a way outand I felt imprisoned in my own home.To try to clear my head I opened the back door and went into the gardenas the bratwurst was heating in the saucepan. It felt scary and nervewracking being out there in the open air dressed like this, there was agentle breeze lifting my skirt, teasing me. The teasing was making mefeel sexy and suddenly I felt a desperate desire to rub myself.mi feltdesperate to feel my fingers over my penis bringing myself to the climaxthat I'd been yearning for more and more. My hands slid over the plasticprison, touching my testicles and between my legs in my desperation tofind ease whilst only making myself feel even more aroused andfrustratedly sexy.I was loosing all control I knew I was and by the time I brought my. “From there, the doctor hit me with another unpleasant fact. He said I didn’t like myself very much. I was using my anger to mask the thought that I was imperfect now, handicapped, unable to do my job, unable to be the whole person I expected myself to be. By then I’d learned not to argue with his opinions. He’d hit home too often for me to second guess his statements. Now I was really upset. He’d stripped away all the things I was using to protect myself and excuse myself for my behavior. I had no idea what to do next. At that point, he offered an opinion.“He said I needed to find something that would bring me genuine sustainable pleasure. Not some short-term ‘happy-fix, ‘ but something I could involve myself in that would bring me satisfaction and restore my belief in myself. Whether it was some community service work, or learning a new skill, it was important to satisfy myself, not someone else. He didn’t say it directly, but he reminded me of the pleasure and satisfaction I had.
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