Not asking why took a little longer, but all of my questions went away eventually. That's what it is to be a slave. I was numb now, except in my dreams, and numbness is a thing you can't understand until you feel it. Until it consumes you. Becomes you."You go on television today." There was the clattering of a metal tray being shoved under the bars, kicked towards me so that the cold hard rice was caught and tumbled off to flake on the floor.I scrambled for it, catching the rice in my broken fingers like a living thing and pushing it between my lips. He watched me. Not smiling, not frowning, just watching. There was fruit on the tray, four sections of whitish-orange jackfruit. I picked them up carefully, one at a time, sitting with my knees against my breasts, my chin in the valley between them. Television. I was going on television again, that was why they gave me fruit. I ate it slowly, rocking back and forth and staring at the wall.My first time had been very hard. I hadn't wanted. "It was then that we both learned about the showers and growers, which are the terms used today. Bobby's wasn't twice as long as mine, like I told him it was, but the difference was still very noticeable. We even took out a ruler to find out how different."8 and a quarter inches!" I announced as we interrupted our jerking off to measure. "You lucky bastard." It's only a couple of inches longer than yours," Bobby said, good friend that he was, but when he had measured me he had the ruler pressed hard into me, giving me probably an inch more than I deserved. "Yours is better because it's way thicker. Girls like thick better than long."I didn't know about that because no girl had really touched it in my 18 years, at least not one sober enough to remember it. Bobby was the ladies man, but I sensed that he was just trying to make me feel good by saying that, but him being my superior in yet another aspect of life didn't bother me.On the contrary, I was happy for him, and when I went back.
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