I sent Tara running off to fetch a football and some Blu-tack.While we waited, I noticed Bec staring at me with those deep, hazel eyes of hers.“Why are you sad, Daddy?” she asked in that quiet but clear voice of hers.I brushed her off by telling her I wasn’t sad but I was merely tired from a hard day at work. Telling the girls that I’m going to therapy, and explaining the reasons why, is not a conversation I want to have right now. Maybe, when they’re older, I’ll be able to tell them about it.Bec didn’t challenge my response but I don’t think she believed it. Sometimes Bec can see straight through me and that can be unnerving – she’s six years old, for heaven’s sake. Seconds later she was sitting in my lap and hugging me. Immediately I felt the panic start to surge through me. I lifted her off me and set her down on the floor beside me, giving her the old lie about how she’s too heavy to be climbing all over me. Isn’t that enough of a reason to need therapy? I can’t even get a hug. “Yet, I wanted to know all about sex and making love and loving men and women. I really need to tell you all of that now.”“There’s nothing you can say that will stop me from loving you, Juli. Already, I know I can’t let you go, even when we return home on Monday. I’ll listen to whatever it is, then I’ll love you even more for offering to give it all up for me.”“Bill, when I was fourteen, I met two beautiful young women who sort of took me under their wings and showed me the ropes about their way of life.“I was dumb as shit about love, sex, and feelings toward others, and relationships. I had never been around boys except at school and I was too shy to talk to them. I virtually lived in my own little world of make believe. I read books and looked at the magazines to learn about how others lived their lives. I started reading erotic stories and looking at porn magazines in Gramp’s drug store. I was obsessed with learning about sex.“My new friends told me that I could be a millionaire by.
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