"Yeah, it's me." Oh my god!" she cried as she ran into the living room where I stood like a worthless pile of dirt. Without hesitation she flew into my arms and hugged me so tight that she threatened to pop my lungs. She buried her tear-stained face into my neck while she sobbed.I was astonished. This was NOT the reception I anticipated, and I was hit with unbelievable guilt at making her this way. I really was selfish and stupid."Oh, Brody, sweetie, I'm so sorry, so, so sorry!" OK. Add confusion to my list of feelings. Why was she apologizing? I was the one who went off without telling her where I was going, without calling at any time, without asking for permission to stay out all night."No, Mom. Please don't. I'M sorry. It's my fault." I felt my eyes begin to sting as tears threatened. I hated crying. Always left my eyes red and burning and my nose a stuffy, snotty mess.Finally, she pushed me to arms length. "Let me look at you. Are you OK?" She began a very motherly inspection of. I didn’t want to be outed at school or to my friends so I knew my experience had to be hidden and anonymous. I bought an adult newspaper from a rack and read about a bathhouse in Van Nuys called Roman Holiday Spa for men. The reviews said that it was rare to see any young people there, mostly men between 40-60 and married men. It sounded perfect for what I was looking for. I decided to actually go there on my 18 birthday and check it out. What a monumental way to spend my 18th birthday. This was to be my first gay experience and ended up very traumatic for me. I felt so ashamed afterward that I didn’t share the company of a man for a couple of years after that. So this is how my visit to the bathhouse went.As you enter, you pay an attendant at the front window, at the time it was $20 for the evening. You surrender your wallet, your keys and any valuables at the time. You are handed a key with a room number on it and a very small towel. So, I walked through the door and started to.
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